Sunday, January 15, 2012

CJ Reviews: Not with a Bang by A. Andrew Tantia

ASIN #: B004W3L8I4
File Size: 30 KB
Copyright: April 10, 2011
Publisher: A. Andrew Tantia


Fans of Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett, P. G. Wodehouse, etc. will enjoy this short comedy, in which the last two men alive happen upon an average, run of the mill, garden-variety garden; all the real estate that remains of their shattered planet. Despairing at the fact that the human race has been wiped out, and failing to see the bright side of things, i.e. that the human race has been wiped out, they elect to end their troubles once and for all, but are offered a reprieve at the last minute. Unfortunately, even a deus ex machina can only do so much ...

CJ's Review:

Okay, so Andrew wanted a blunt review. Well, here it is: I hated it. I can't lie. It was awful. If anyone hates spoilers, turn away ... this plot went from gonna suck, to sucks, to sucked like hell. There are no two ways around it. I was disappointed by how bad it really was. Two guys are astronauts who happen to be out in space when their spaceship's artificial intelligence, MAL, sends a planet-destroying bomb to Earth just to see if the bomb works ... and it does. They then find a chunk of, what they call, a garden and form some kind of force field around it with their ship.

Yeah, I said it: MAL, some artificial intelligence in charge of being the auto-pilot on this spaceship designed a planet-destroying bomb like it's Bill Nigh the freaking Science Guy. No offense here Tantia, but that's a terrible idea for a short story.

On top of this already unbelievable plot, MAL is also some sort of deranged cross between Doogie Howser and House because MAL performs a ... get this ... lobotomy/cerebroectomy on one of the guys to turn him into a woman so the two can procreate and keep the human race going.

Wow, what a mouthful. I like the fact that this author is way, way out there in left field somewhere but seriously, it sucked. The best part of the story was when the she-he and the other guy were trying to get the last apple off the last tree and it flies into the force field shattering it and sucks Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum out into space, killing them. My advice: Don't waste your time.

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