Welcome Amy Mah, author of Fangs Rule: A Girls Guide To Being A Vampire
Hi, my name is Amy and I am a vampire and every time I say that think I sound like I have joined some sort of help group and I should now say: "It has now been three weeks since I had my last drink of blood," this should be followed by everyone else in the group clapping.
As I mentally look around the group I can see the werewolf is now wearing a large flee collar with the name Fido on it, which is a little odd as we all know his real name is Fred the Wolf.
And as we can all see the ghost it is really no point in him moving things around the room and going woooooooooooo all the time, and the next time he leaps out and say boo to me I am personally going to exorcise him by sucking him up in a vacuum cleaner.
Anyway I am going way out the point of my blog today and that is I am going to explain to you a very important numbering system that every vampire girl should know by heart, and that is the special numbers that explain exactly how far you are prepared to go with a boy and it is called the Base System, so here goes ...
When dating it is handy to know the code words of what you are doing with each other. Believe it or not others have also done it, and have even numbered it! So what is at 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th base? ... And yes there is a 5th base.
OK, this is the one we normally call making out, and unless you are on heat it stops at kissing, hugging and generally grabbing at each other. At this stage you can bite a boy but he is not allowed to bite you back.
Letting a boy feel you above the waist - you know where I mean. For some reason boys are fascinated with boobs, and with plastic surgery so easily available nowadays I don't see why they don't get their own. Something to remember at this stage in a relationship is the golden rule that the only person allowed to touch your boobs with cold hands is a doctor. If a boy forgets this golden rule and laughs as you leap in the air with the first stages of frost bite, you are fully entitled to ban him from touching them or other parts of your body until he learns the error of a misplaced laugh. It is a good idea to also threaten to give him a very painful bite in a place where he can't show his friends.
This is when you let a boy bite you and you can both suck each other's blood - just don't let your parents find out (carry a packet of tissues to wipe away the blood stains).
Homerun (er ... raising one's tail)
Doing all of the above when on heat, this is called running the bases, it is also called getting pregnant and discovering that you have not just raised your tail and instantly got pregnant! But, due to a bonding contract signed years ago by your parents, you now have a lifetime mate!
This can also come as a pleasant surprise to the boy who will be so happy he will wish to leave the Nest as fast as he can to celebrate. He is generally so overcome with excitement that some of your male relatives may have to knock him unconscious and drag him to a quiet room where they can show him the contract and gently explain to him his new role as a loving mate and father, and also point out how lucky he is to have them protect him from various painful accidents that could so easily happen to him if he did not quickly become a relative.
If you have found this useful, then look out for more helpful hints from my book: