ASIN #: B007A3RE4A
File Size: 356 KB
Page Count: 186
Copyright: February 10, 2012
Publisher: Recovered Publishing
(Taken from Goodreads)
A riveting memoir about drug dealing, addiction, and surviving abuse. Small time drug deals and a passion for growing pot filled my world before I met Greg. But the first time I got off a flight, strolled over to the baggage claim in my carefully chosen new outfit and picked up two brand new flowered suitcases filled with eighty pounds of Mexican swag pot, I felt like I had found my true calling in life. The adrenaline rush of getting away with something big along ... with the money I would make was a new kind of high I'd never before experienced. I was instantly addicted. Making money organizing drug runs around the country was intense. Greg and I were a money making duo like none other. Life with Greg was exciting for a while but it wasn't long before it became a cat and mouse game - then a complete nightmare.
Words like belittling and narcissistic were not in my vocabulary. Later, learning these words helped me disconnect from the mental torture. The tension would build as I protected him while he isolated me from friends and family. Then there would be an incident of abuse which confused me. At first it was lying, hurtful words and actions but quickly escalated to guns at my head, knives, and using my son to manipulate and control me. The honeymoon phase would be another fabulous trip to Hawaii or resort hopping around the world. I didn't see the cycle or even understand abuse. The drugs and alcohol allowed me to tolerate and numb the pain until my spirit dwindled down to a shadow of nothingness. How could I escape the far reaching sabotage of any attempt at my freedom? Could there be a way out? Could I find a way to spare my son from this drug infested violent existence that would surely crush his soul?
This is as much a cautionary tale as it is a memoir. Jen has a carefree lifestyle, doing drugs, selling drugs, following the Grateful Dead and traveling the country staying in the nicest hotels. She has a relationship with her boyfriend, Greg, that can be described as volatile, as best. The drugs make him a ticking time bomb and although she sees the signs, she stays with him. At times, she has no choice as he isolates her from friends and family, and also takes her money, car keys, and also uses their child as a pawn in his game of manipulation. So many times throughout the story I thought - this has to be rock bottom, this has to be the turning point. And she'd go back to him. I'm sure that for the author, hindsight is 20/20 and she sees the mistakes she's making as she is reliving them while she wrote this book. But while she's in it, the drugs make her almost a slave to him. This is by no means an enjoyable book but it was one I couldn't put down. It has an easy flow to it and you really do root for Jen even though she is a drug abuser and making bad choice after bad choice. If you know someone whom you fear might be headed down this path, give this person a copy of the book so they can see what could happen if they let the drugs take control.
*A Smashwords coupon code to download a free copy of this book was provided by the author in exchange for an honest review.